Wrinkle-Free Horse Pants

Since the dawn of time, horses have roamed the face of the earth in search of one thing, and one thing only—pants. Well now their search has finally come to an end. I'm proud to introduce the first and only 4-legged pant, specially stitched to meet the needs and tastes of the modern equine.

Available in several different styles and colors, these revolutionary wrinkle-free Horse Pants allow your horse to look their very best for that special night on the town, or when they’re just grazing and shitting all over themselves. Isn’t it about time your horse had a small slice of the American Dream? If you don’t let your horse wear pants, then you obviously hate your horse. You don’t hate your horse, do you?

Wrinkle-Free Horse Pants

These incredible, revolutionary, wrinkle-free Horse Pants allow your horse to graze and shit in style! Now he can finally have a small slice of the American Dream!

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Executive Decision Maker

Do you run a Fortune 500 company? Are you tired of making vital decisions every single day? Let David Lee Roth help you out…the only way he knows how.

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Disabled Canine Mobility Assistant

Sick of that old dog sitting in the corner gathering dust? Now you can finally turn your useless, two legged mut into a useless, two-legged mut with a wheel attached to him!

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Singing Christopher Walken Head

Gently frighten your children to sleep and put an end to their constant whining and bitching forever with the shrill, unholy singing of the disembodied Christopher Walken Head!

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Miniature Shit-Spewing Horse

This tiny lie-detecting, shit-spewing horse sits on your girlfriend’s scalp and monitors her brainwaves. When it detects a lie, it douses her face with molten streams of shit!

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No-Stick Glue

No-Stick Glue just doesn’t give a shit. It takes a shot of Wild Turkey and wags its dick in the face of the “laws of reason” that hold the entire universe together!

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Sri Chinmoy Puffs

At long last, science steps up to the plate and delivers a healthy breakfast cereal that will give you the extra spiritual strength you need to defeat those evil sonofabitch robots!

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Commie-Zapper 3000

They’re everywhere, and they’re coming for you! Protect yourself and your family by baiting those evil commie bastards with their all-time favorite meal…fresh baby!

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The D.U.F.U.S

If you’ve still got those one or two friends who keep hanging in there with you no matter what…now’s your chance to finally scare them away for good!

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